A Theology of Dating for the Single, Dating, Engaged, and Married
By: Ellen Hancock
I approached college expecting to find my spouse. That didn’t happen, and I’m now grateful. I had an unhealthy and frankly inaccurate view of what marriage is. Would you allow me to share what I have experienced and learned the last several years as a student in your shoes and since graduation? In return, I hope you find yourself a bit happier - whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married. You were created to live in eternal relationship with Jesus Christ when he comes again.
If you’re like me, and you grew up in the church, or in a Christian home, chances are high that your parents have been praying for your future spouse since you were born. You’ve probably also heard youth group messages on what to look for in someone before you date them, or more finitely, marry them. We ladies have studied the Proverbs 31 woman and have been told to be the kind of woman that the kind of man you’re looking for is looking for. This is great! But let’s zoom out a bit. Marriage on earth is meant to reflect and prepare us for marriage in heaven: the wedding feast between Christ and his bride, us, the church (Revelation 9:6-7). That Day is coming! We Christians long and yearn for it.
Jesus spent his life loving and making disciples. We are called Christians because the Greco-Roman world during the time of Jesus noticed Jesus’ disciples were taking on an identity distinct from other Jews (Acts 11:27). The word Christian literally means “mini-Christ” or “little Jesuses.” Shouldn’t we also spend our lives imitating Christ, making disciples? In Luke 9, Jesus charged the disciples with and then modeled discipleship as 1) proclaiming the Kingdom of God and 2) healing. Regardless of our marital status, this charge should be the purpose of our lives.
As someone unmarried, I have a unique advantage for the Gospel, both inside and outside of the church. So many of my lifestyle choices affect no one other than myself. My greatest asset in this season is my time, and thus every day I am faced with the question of how I get to spend it.
Pursue opportunities to spend time with people, whether they know Jesus or not. Take a meal to a family who just had a baby. Spend time with and drink a cup of tea with a widow. Offer to do laundry for someone who just had surgery. Look to Jesus’ example of how he advanced the Kingdom and try to imitate what he did. After all, we Christians are mini-Jesuses.
If you’re in a lonely season or even going through a breakup, what better time than to draw near to the Lord (James 4:8). After all, you are his! Maybe you’re discouraged that many of your friends are a step ahead of you in life, it seems. This is real! And hard! Yet, at the same time, this may be the last season of your life when you are in a similar life stage as all your friends. The sense of others moving on will only continue to differ more and more, but what you and your friends do have in common is awaiting Jesus’ return! Do not live only for the day you have a ring on your left hand. Don’t let loneliness or singleness be your identity. The only marriage in heaven will be between us and Jesus and will reconcile the first divorce: when Adam and Eve were separated from God in the Garden (Genesis 3). If you are in a relationship, don’t let your status be your identity. Even more, live out the Kingdom of God! Some people model this better married while others are a stronger witness themselves, as single people.
If you’re married, what a gift! You get to model daily to another image-bearer the marriage that is to come!
If you’re engaged, what a gift! You have decided you can no longer be most effective for the Gospel as individual but together with your fiancé.
If you’re dating, what a gift! You get to discern whether your boyfriend is also building the Kingdom in a way that makes your ministry/discipleship most effective.
If you’re single, what a gift! Enjoy the freedom and unique opportunities you have to serve the
church and reach people who don’t yet know Jesus.
That’s what it’s all about.
Marriage on earth is the best thing that can imitate what we were created for: the marriage feast of Heaven (Rev 19:7). Think higher, think eternal, and step into a deeper relationship with your maker and Savior, Jesus Christ. Saturate yourself in Scripture in this season. Join me in waiting for Jesus to come again and claim us as his bride.
Read More:
• Genesis 1-3
• Hosea 2:14-16 God is our Husband.
• Matthew 22
• 1 Corinthians 7
• Revelation 19, 21-22
