Decisions and Discernment: Overcoming Analysis-Paralysis
By: Leilani Wong
“Leilani, do you want a blue cup or a red cup?”
“Blue…or red…”
“No, Leilani, you have to pick: blue or red?”
“Blue…or red…”
No joke, these were real conversations my parents had with my two-year-old self. Indecision sets in at a young age, I suppose. I wish I could say I grew out of it, but there have been many more times in my life marked by analysis-paralysis and fear of making the wrong decision. Relationships, careers, my next outfit, to-do lists, next semester’s class schedule (anyone else?), my five-year plan. All of it. I often carried a mindset that there was only one right decision; if I messed up, it would send me into an eternal spiral of playing catch-up from thwarting the will of God. Seems dramatic, but I bet I am not the only Hillsdalian who has ever thought that way.
Now, the will of God is a meaty theological subject, one which I do not claim to master in any way. What I would like to submit, however, is a parabolic story from my life that has taught me about the will of God when it comes to decisions and discernment.
Remember indecisive, two-year-old Leilani? Let’s add twenty years and fast forward to the spring of my senior year at Hillsdale. Graduation was soon approaching, and I wanted to spend my following year at a ministry school for personal growth and deepening my relationship with the Lord. But which school? I identified three wonderful options, each with different locations, emphases, class sizes, structures, etc. My brain regressed to my two-year-old, indecisive self: 1…2…or 3…? I soon became so caught up in making the “right” choice that what was once an exciting dream (yay, a spiritual honeymoon with Jesus for nine months!) turned into confusion and frustration (IDK WHERE I AM GOING). The joy was gone, the stress was magnanimous, and the decision was left unmade for a solid three months.
Mind you, I was in prayer throughout that whole time, asking the Lord for direction, a sign, an inkling, anything. Nothing. Prayer times around this topic were frustrating and seemingly unfruitful. Toward the end of those three months, I realized that the heavenly “silence” was not God ignoring my pleas but was actually Him inviting me to make the decision in faith, knowing that my desire to grow in Him already pleased His heart and was in His will. But, I did not like that. I wanted God to split the skies, audibly tell me which school to choose, and have my predetermined future robotically unfold in front of me. Anyone else relate?
My abyss of uncertainty finally culminated during spring break when I visited two of the ministry schools in person. Though I came into the trip with hyper-analyzing indecision, the Lord in His mercy gave me not one, not two, but nine breadcrumbs of confirmation that one school in particular closely aligned with my wiring and past few seasons with the Lord. Although the Lord was inviting me to make the decision, I believe He knew that, since I was just learning this new skill, I would have spun myself silly trying to choose without a few nudges. In the end, I was the one who made the final decision. Now, looking back, I realize that if I had clung to my hyper-predeterministic mindset, I would have forfeited a pivotal opportunity to mature in God by making a choice in faith, knowing there was more than one “right” answer.
There have been many more decisions made in my life since then, from long term career choices to the order of my daily to-do list. I am happy to say that few (if any) decisions have taken me a whole three months to make, although they are not always made with ease. What I have learned, though, is that the will of God, a phrase which used to make me quake in my boots, is not as uptight and single-optioned as I thought. Instead, I have found that the will of God, a.k.a. the heart of God, is much more relational and process-focused than outcome-focused. Hosea writes, “For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings” (Hosea 6:6). Could it be that God actually desires union with our hearts more than He desires perfect choices? Let that sink in for a second. Could it be that, for believers whose hearts are surrendered to and set on the Lord, making decisions can be filled with freedom and joy instead of fear and paralysis?
A trusted pastor once described life with God as more of a playground than a tightrope. Meaning, life with Him is less of a militant, there-is-only-one-right-option kind of thing and more of a holy, God adventure kind of thing. I can already hear the rebuttals forming in some of y’all’s heads, so let me contextualize. What I am not suggesting is a free will, do-anything-you-want-and-God-will-bless-it kind of lifestyle. That is not only irresponsible but disconnected from the partnering friendship of God. What I am suggesting, however, is that we might not need to pull our hair out and make pros/cons lists for every single decision we face. Maybe life with God is much sweeter than being afraid of making the “wrong” choice. Maybe our decisions are meant to be beautiful, relational partnerships with Him, where we prayerfully consider all things but are also not afraid to step out and take a risk, knowing that a heart set on Him cannot be put to shame (Psalm 34:5).
Some of y’all are still not with me, so here is more Bible, lest you think me an Arminian heretic:
“I am the Vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
“…but we have the mind of Christ.” 1 Corinthians 2:16
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
These verses remind us that in Christ, there is no fear of the future or decision-making. Our union with Him includes our union with His mind, His thoughts, His desires, and His wisdom. Our new creation nature is hard-wired for righteousness, not folly; obedience, not rebellion. In that, we trust the Lord to guide our steps as we take them, not as we sit immobile in analysis-paralysis. In other words, God cannot steer a parked car. Direction from the Lord often appears when we start moving and stepping out in faith instead of waiting for Him to mechanically crank each leg forward. Or, in my case, clarity came when I flew out in faith and stepped foot on each ministry school’s campus.
Again, please hear my heart: I am not suggesting we make buck wild choices and act on every impulse in the name of free will and “God will work it out” mantras. What I do want, dear reader, is to free you from the fear that there is only one next right decision that the rest of your life depends on. Our Father is too good and too kind to yoke you to as cruel a fate as that. He is more concerned about the condition of your heart than the condition of your five-year plan.
I have found the following to be helpful guidelines in the process of discernment:
STOP. Oftentimes, decision-making becomes a burden merely because I did not consider it from a place of rest, stillness, and refusing to succumb to what Charles Hummel termed “the tyranny of the urgent.”
PRAY. I sometimes find myself stressed out by a decision only to realize that I did not even invite the Lord into it. Time in prayer, whether it begets clarity or simply a surrendered heart, is never wasted.
CHOOSE IN FAITH. If, after prayer, I sense a direction from the Lord, I choose it (hopefully), believing that He delights in obedience and will never lead me astray. If I do not sense a direction from the Lord but instead sense Him empowering me to make a wise decision, I also make that in faith, believing that He delights in partnership and will never lead me astray.
College is a season full of choices, each of which can grow us in confidence and maturity if we let them. If we let Him. So, the next time you are met with a decision and feel the analysis-paralysis creeping up, stop, take a deep breath, and smile. You have been made one with Christ and been given His very own sound mind. Set your heart on heavenly things, pray, and, if you do not hear anything specific, make a decision in faith and enjoy the ride (insert every Bob Goff book ever written). Life is too short and wonderful to be stuck choosing between a blue or red cup.
Leilani Wong | ‘22
Leilani Wong is a Hillsdale ’22 graduate who lives in Dallas, TX working as a holistic nutritionist. Upon graduation, she attended Upperroom School of Ministry, the “red” cup, if you will.
