Finding Faith in the Waiting
By: Markie Repp
Matthew 7:7-8 says, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
But what if the door doesn’t open when you want it to? That is a lesson I have learned the hard way, and you would think I would know by now that God’s timing is not my timing. I am sure you have experienced God’s timing differing from yours at some point in your life. Waiting on God’s timing is hard—very hard sometimes. Even more so if you are not patient, and I certainly am not. While still working as a nurse, I decided to pursue my degree in history. While I was blessed in my nursing career, it was not my decision to become a nurse, and I felt God was nudging me in a different direction.
History is what I have always loved. I waited for job opportunities after finishing my Bachelor’s degree in 2019. I wanted to work at Hillsdale College and prayed about it. I remember my husband telling me I would have to look for jobs elsewhere, and I told him no. I was determined to work at Hillsdale. Then, in 2020, in the middle of COVID-19, I took a position at the College. I had waited for months, but the waiting—and praying—paid off. A few years later, the perfect position became available at the College. The job would allow me to use my history degrees (at this time, I was nearly finished with my Master’s degree) and finally give me the career I have longed for. I felt lost about my future career path and thought this position would be perfect.
I did not get the position. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I had asked God, prayed, knocked on the door, and the door was slammed in my face. At least, that is how it felt. That position was more than just a job in my eyes. It was a passion. It was fulfilling my love and preservation of history. I risked a lot going back to school and thought I was wasting my time. What career was I going to have in this rural area? I was bitter for a while afterward. I was angry and disappointed with God. I tried pounding on doors that wouldn’t open. I pleaded with God to help me find a career that involved my passion for history. Feeling lost again, I began my Ph.D. because many job opportunities I considered required a terminal degree. Even then, the career outlook for a Ph.D. looked dismal. It took several months, but I began to lean not on my understanding but God’s. Who was I to discern what was best for me? God already had a plan, and I was upset that His plan was not on my time. I started to slowly give up my control and leave my future in God’s hands. I often felt like our pastor’s Sunday morning sermons were directed at me. Our pastor did not know how I felt, but God certainly did. A few of those sermons had me in tears. I felt so lost. And do you know what they were about? God’s timing and waiting on Him. Jeremiah 29:11 is my favorite Bible verse, and I had it taped to my computer so I could see it every day as a reminder that God had a plan for me. It says, “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
I started to redirect my focus to trusting God. I leaned back into my faith after being disappointed. I started listening to contemporary Christian music. There were a few songs that made me feel like God was talking directly to me, and that hit me hard. This may seem very seventeenth and eighteenth-century, but I felt God was giving me signs. I felt he was telling me to hang on and not give up. And I am glad I listened. Because what God had in store for me was even better than I had imagined. The position I wanted a few years ago opened back up, but it included so much more this time. I hesitated to apply because I wasn’t sure if I could handle being turned down again. But I also believed this was what God had planned for me. After all, the position had opened up again. Was this my open door?
I got the position, and I am incredibly blessed. I knocked on the door and asked God, and He eventually opened the door and answered. Sometimes, God tells us, “Not yet—wait.” Sometimes, God tells us “no.” Rejection and waiting were the hardest part, but His plan was better than mine. I got more than a job. I got a career. Waiting pushed me toward God, even when I was frustrated with Him. Difficult circumstances can look different for everyone, but we should not minimize the struggle accompanying difficulty. For me, it was finding fulfillment in my career. For others, it could be school, a job, relationships, etc. Your adult lives are just beginning. You will face many challenges and encounter rejection, failure, success, and waiting. Remember that nothing is too big or small for God. With God, all things are possible. When faced with difficulty in our lives, we have two choices: turn away from God or towards God. What will you choose?
Markie Repp
Markie Repp is a mom of three children and one English springer spaniel puppy, works full-time for Hillsdale College in the Mossey Library Archives, and is a college student working on her third degree. She loves history and spending time with her family.
