On Love, Friendship, and the Cultivation of the Soul

By: Victoria Watson

“Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.” - C. S. Lewis

I first read this quote several years after my time as a Hillsdale student had ended. It struck me profoundly, and thanks to my education, I think I have been able to make sense of it.

Loving deeply, constantly, and without condition or expectation will, over time, form your disposition toward tenderness, grace, and empathy. In short, loving is good for your soul. But why is proper soul formation inherently worthwhile? And how ought we go about accomplishing it? I offer two thoughts on these matters. The journey of soul formation is good because your soul will endure after your body perishes. And the people with whom you surround yourself – many can be found at Hillsdale – will make all the difference in this journey. 

Lewis writes in Mere Christianity, 

“Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature. To be the one kind of creature is heaven: that is, it is joy and peace and knowledge and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state of the other.” 

The central thing of which Lewis speaks is, of course, the human soul. This quote presupposes the existence of a loving God, which is the core of the Christian faith and is a necessary belief even to begin a discussion of the soul. After all, if there is no God, and if this life is all we have, then the business of soul formation becomes awfully useless and vain. Why bother to improve our souls when we can just focus on enjoying whatever fleeting and meaningless life we have on earth? And make no mistake; without God, our lives are, at the end of the day, meaningless – accidents of chemistry that have against all mathematical odds evolved into something of substance and will shortly return to the random froth from which they emerged. The Christian worldview rejects this bleak and dismal perspective. Some idea of a good God is necessary to understand the importance of a good soul. 

So why, then, is loving without reciprocity inherently worthwhile? What benefit does selflessness and unconditional love provide when it sometimes (or often) requires us to act contrary to our own pleasure? The answer, as described in the Christian faith and as gleaned through the study of many authors over many ages, is that loving unconditionally forms our souls toward righteousness and goodness, and well formed souls become closer to God. When we ultimately reach the end of our earthly lives, our souls will meet their maker, hopefully to rest with Him forever. Even when loving another person does not “benefit” you as benefits are measured by worldly standards, loving forms your being and leaves impressions on the souls around you. This, in itself, is good. 

But the business of loving as a means to soul formation is no easy task. It requires diligence, patience, and ultimately, selflessness. How, then, are we to prepare? 

Here is where for me the experience of being a Hillsdale student was crucial – not only for the knowledge I gained, but for the friendships I made in the pursuit of that knowledge.

In reflecting on my time at Hillsdale, I am awestruck at the women who entered my life, and who now over a glass of wine and a card game, will discuss with me salvation and unconditional love with the nonchalance of discussing dinner plans. My soul improves every moment I spend with them and my life would be less without them. During my time as a student, I took for granted that the pursuit of eternal things like goodness and truth were everyday considerations; having now entered the professional sphere, I have discovered those pursuits are rare. 

As undergraduates, you are in an environment dense with peers, professors, and administrators who constantly share fundamental knowledge about truth and morality, and will encourage your journey toward goodness. What an incredible privilege it is to be surrounded by such people. Find those with whom you feel at home, and hold them close. You will need them in the years to come. 

One final reflection: you will meet many people — good, decent, and kind people — who do not know God, and as a result have never, often even from their parents, known unconditional love. We are told His love to us overflows; allow it to flow into those who need it. Be the kind of person in whom others can see the love of God. Your soul will be better for it, and the lives your love touches will be improved. 

Strive to see beyond the immediate into the eternal. Love deeply, passionately, and without condition, and surround yourself with those who do the same. When reciprocity finds you – and it will find you, if not in this life, then in your heavenly life – it will be that much sweeter. There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.