If you Google ‘mentor,’ you will find a plethora of resources at your disposal. From Webster’s dictionary definition of mentorship to what is the role of a good mentor, you will walk away with a much clearer definition than before. But, as with anything in life, the experience of mentorship will affect you much more than simply hearing or reading about the definition of mentorship. And that experience of mentorship is the story I want to share with you.

I walked into the higher education arena shortly after graduating from college, after deciding to make not-for-profit work my lifelong career. In my first Advancement position, I met a woman named Lois. Lois had been at the organization for 17 years by the time I came along and was acting in a seniority capacity within the office. Lois and I did not get along. Allow me to explain.

I came in with an abundance of energy and enthusiasm, and I wanted to try new ideas in order to connect with alumni and increase engagement. Lois also had ideas of what had been tried before, what had worked, and what had not worked in terms of connecting with the organization’s constituency base. I did not want to listen to Lois, and Lois probably thought I was impulsive and unable to listen to constructive criticism. As you might imagine, this did not make for a comfortable office dynamic.

One day, after many months, I decided to request a conversation with Lois. I was hurt and wondered why she wouldn’t listen to any of my ideas or support me in my new role. That conversation not only changed our office dynamic but also probably changed the course of my career. You see, Lois became my first mentor in the workplace. It was not one conversation, but many conversations that took place between us in the months and years to follow that we worked together, in which Lois became my greatest supporter. Lois invited me to networking events, Lois invited me to participate with her on committees, Lois suggested different board roles, Lois encouraged me in the development of my understanding of philanthropy and fundraising. Lois became my biggest fan—and I became hers. To this day, sixteen years later, Lois will still check in with me to see how my career is going and offer any guidance and support she is able.

Although she was my first mentor, Lois was not my last mentor in the workplace. Throughout my career, I had many professionals show up, guide, and support me through many different phases of my career. I truly believe that their mentorship was what allowed me to excel and succeed in my career. Would I have gotten to the level I did on my own? Maybe. Did I get there faster because of the people who poured into my life? Absolutely.

Here is a secret about mentorship that I want you to absorb. As a mentee, it is easy to think that you are the one gaining all the advice and inspiration from the relationship; indeed, that you are the taker in the relationship. As I have become a mentor in my adult life, I want you to know that nothing is further from the truth. I have found so much joy and satisfaction in encouraging others on their particular journey—probably more joy than I have found in my own journey at times. You see, the mentor receives just as much from the relationship as the mentee.

Being a mentor is not about knowing everything, just as being a mentee is not about knowing nothing. It is a harmonious relationship where strong bonds are forged and trust is established. It is pouring into someone’s life and showing up for them time and time again. It is a beautiful thing, and I hope all of you have the wonderful opportunity to experience mentorship in all its beauty during your life’s journey.

I don’t know if I really grew up hearing the word “mentor,” though I have been blessed to have many people in my life I would now call mentors. To my understanding, mentors are people who have more experience in certain ways than us and share their wisdom with those who want to follow in their footsteps. My mentors are people I can do life with, people who have walked with me and taught me to grow in every way that a person can. More often than not, at least for me this mentorship looks like friendship and guidance.

My most formative and perhaps first mentor has become my second mom, my Pam. She worked at the school that I attended from the time that I was five years old and she is one of my truest friends. There was no moment that I formally asked her to teach me about life, it just happened that way. From Pam, I learned generosity, grace, and compassion. She taught me to truly see others and she taught me what it meant to be there for someone who perhaps has nothing to give in return. Pam started off a lifelong love of seeking growth for myself and helping others to grow. Over the years I have been lucky enough to be mentored and to be a mentor to others and I’ve learned a few things about this kind of relationship that I would love to share with you all. 

First, you don’t have to have a formal agreement for it to be a meaningful mentorship. For most of my life, I have had strong female mentors in my faith life, my personal life, and my education, but when I got into my career path I got caught up in the formality of business mentorship. I thought that I had to ask someone, “Will you be my mentor?” for that relationship to be real. That is simply not true. The best mentorships I’ve had happen naturally over time with people who share similar morals, passions, and goals. Let it happen naturally and authentically! 

Second, you can have more than one mentor! I have so many mentors in my life right now. People whose faith, careers, and lifestyles I admire. People I am close with and meet with regularly and people that I see once or twice a year if I’m lucky. There is no one-size-fits-all formula for mentorship and there are a lot of ways to do it well. From John, I learned professionalism and leadership; from Angela, I learned to always come prepared and to know my own worth uncompromisingly; from Tana, I learned to love spending time with God; and from Ashlea, I learned to manage others with strength. For every mentor that I’ve had, there is a different dynamic, a different relationship, and a different lesson. Each person that you form a bond with gives you something, so take advantage of those things and use them to pour into others later on! Don’t get caught up in the logistics of it all. 

Finally, mentorship relationships go both ways. Learning to balance the give and take of a mentorship relationship has been really important to me. No matter how much you look up to someone, they are always just human. One of my mantras is, “You can’t pour from an empty cup,” and it has always rung true for me in my mentorship relationships. It is important to give grace to your mentors and mentees. A great way that I have learned to value my mentors is to come to them prepared when I seek guidance and to be respectful of their time and other responsibilities. I usually come with questions prepared and try to stay on topic as often as possible. 

What I hope to leave you with is that there is no one right way to be a mentor or to seek out a mentor. It is whatever works for you and for the other person!