“Do I Have To”: A Chronicle of Complaint and Contentment
By: Ciara Rinehart
Don’t you love it when your parents insert your name randomly into Bible verses? “Do nothing without grumbling or arguing, Ciara,” frequently floated into my ears in my childhood home as I’d roll my eyes and passive-aggressively scoop out the kitty litter, a string of complaints oozing from my heart. We kept our schedules pretty booked while growing up, so even a little task to serve my family seemed like a lot to ask in my sixth-grade life, and I would rather be doing a thousand other things—fun things.
The “arguing,” for me, was never the part of the verse I needed to hear - I’d always finish the task set before me - but I was amazing at digging up fresh reasons for complaining with a grumbling heart full of bitterness and self-pity. “I’ll do what I’m told, but it’s so unfair, I was just getting to the good part in my book, we just got home and I have to do this?” The list ran on. I was happy to “shine like a star in the universe” and be “pure and blameless” and all the perks of having Christ in my life, but the process of contentedly accepting my work was not something that I treasured very highly. So I continued to grumble and complain, in my heart if not my words.
You grow out of all this, right? That’s what I told myself throughout college - after all, I’d figured out how to manage all my homework, friendships, jobs, family calls, and volunteering with a smiling face and happy words. I was enveloped by things I loved to do and people I loved to see, which made it easy to avoid uncomfy acts of service (like cleaning out litter boxes). Still, the complaining and grumbling would sneak into my heart. “Why won’t they go to bed yet, don’t they know that it’s 1am and everyone in the hall can hear them? This is literally the worst. I can’t believe I have to deal with this!” Thoughts like those are embarrassing to write, but it is the truth of my heart then and often now - I don’t want the things that I don’t want. My grumbling, discontent, unjoyful words surfaced (and still surface) from a heart that struggles to speak truth, be content, and embrace joy in all circumstances. In college, I told myself that I had progressed spiritually beyond being bothered with petty things that required something of me. I was tough and worked hard no matter what, so therefore I must be a content and joyful person…right?
Then I got married, moved to Lafayette, Indiana, and cried a lot about how hard life was. My life, praise the Lord, was not hard. But when you’re faced with new, lonely, and often very tedious parts of life as a working adult, your heart creeps into self-pity, bitterness, and a vague feeling that some injustice has been done to you. One example (out of many examples) of my bitter heart was this - my husband, before we got married, would give up his Friday nights to clean our church, which I was incredibly proud of him for doing. After we got married, he convinced me to serve together. “Aww, how romantic and sweet of you to volunteer together!” you might say. Yes, thank you. That is not at all how it felt. My idea of a good time Friday nights was not scrubbing toilets and mopping hardwood. I remember several times stifling a cry and feeding the pent-up emotions in my heart about how unfair it was that I had to spend my Fridays doing this. I was not exactly living out Philippians 2:14, as my mom had so astutely ascertained when I was ten.
All I can say is, the Lord has been very gracious to me, as he has used the very catalysts of discontent and grumbling to bring about some of the sweetest moments in my adult life so far. Serving others and surrendering my complaints to God has coaxed me from a selfish view of my time toward a deeper love for serving God and his people. Miraculously, this turns your attention away from yourself which results in less complaints and grumbles, as you’re barely thinking of yourself anymore at all!
After a few months of cleaning the church on Friday nights, my friend (with whom I still clean) turned and encouraged me with words that I’d been feeling in my own heart for weeks. “You know,” she said, “I used to hate cleaning and to have such a sluggish heart toward this. But now, it doesn’t feel like I have to do it anymore!—I get to do it.” Praise God that he changes our hearts! Her comments made little tears peek out of my eyes. I knew that I didn’t have to spend my time cleaning!—I was under no contract or obligation of any kind. And yet, I have the opportunity to do it and through cleaning to love other people.
“I don’t have to do this–I get to do this.” What a powerful way to live my life with joy! For me, this phrase takes the tedious tasks I have to do, like washing the dishes or sending out mailings at work, and transforms them into showing the love of Jesus to my husband, coworkers, and strangers. I have wrestled with discontentment throughout the last few years, complaining about my work constantly in my heart, but the lifeline the Lord sends me is the gentle, whispered reminder that he has given me the opportunity to serve where I am with joy. A complaining heart thinks only of itself, whereas a giving heart looks for ways to bless others.
I’m grateful for the Lord gently giving me chances to “get to” serve and think of others, because I am slowly learning that joy is possible when you look to serve others more than yourself. And I’m also grateful for my mom praying Philippians 2:14 over me, because it’s shown me the reality of how prone to complaining my heart really is and the contentment that is possible when I start to look beyond myself. And now—wonder of wonders!—I find that serving is fun.
Ciara Rinehart | ‘23
I am a Hillsdale alum and I love art and books and old things generally! I live in West Lafayette, IN, with my lovely husband, and we’re pretty involved at our church here which is a gift from the Lord. I am super into cooking right now and trying out recipes!
