The Hostess With The Mostest: Classic Hospitality In A Modern World–An Abridged Version
By: Bethany Widmer
What does “classic hospitality in a modern world” mean?
I love hosting events using good old-fashioned hospitality like our grandmothers and great grandmothers used to do. They would regularly have women over for tea, use fancy china, and have a baked good to share, but they also sat at the table and simply enjoyed time together. Classic hospitality uses some of these tips that are rooted in warmth, personal touches and attention to detail. I like to blend these traditional values with modern conveniences that make hosting an easier process.
If someone is uncomfortable hostessing, what advice would you give?
First, I’d encourage them to relax and have fun with it.
Secondly, although preparations can be intimidating, remember most people come to a gathering simply because they were invited and it made them feel special. There’s a quote from an unknown author that says, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” True hospitality is how you make your guests FEEL. So, greet your guests with a warm smile and be present as you engage in conversation, that’s what your guests will remember most.
Why should we host gatherings?
Aside from being fun, it’s actually Biblical. 1 Peter 4:9-10 says, “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” We can bless others by being hospitable! This comes naturally to some, but to others it’s a desire in their hearts that needs to be fostered. So don’t be discouraged if it’s not instinctive to you. Thankfully there are tips we can learn from each other to improve our skills and create a warm and welcoming environment for our guests.
Should we wait until we have a house to host a gathering?
Absolutely not! Don’t wait for the perfect space. Otherwise, you will always find a reason not to host, whether it’s too small, not finished, needs updating, or a million other excuses. Put aside those anxieties and remember people just want to gather. I often say, “You come as we are”. We have an open-door policy any time of day or night, but we live in our home, so it won’t be perfect. This philosophy takes the pressure off the host, eliminates expectations and allows you to focus on each other instead of the space around you. Now, for comfortability, it is important to consider the size of your space when deciding the number of guests to invite, but don’t let it hinder you from hosting. Also, if your space is not conducive to hosting, get creative and utilize other spaces like a public park, a friend’s house, community centers, common space of your dorm, or something of the like.
How do you decide what type of gathering to host?
Holidays and birthday parties are obvious, but some additional reasons to gather could be a study night, movie night, spa night with your girlfriends, Bible study, or a shared activity/hobby (new or old). Having ideas at the ready helps you to be intentional about inviting people. Another great tip is to keep a list of ideas and people, whether individuals or groups, you want to host. Then when you have some available time, you have a list ready.
College students are usually on a low budget, so how can they host events?
My three best tips when dealing with limited funds are:
Respect your budget.
Make a plan that fits into your current budget and stick to it. No gathering should break the bank. There are plenty of budget-friendly tips to keep the cost low.
Be creative!
Decorations are not necessary, but if you want them, personal touches like homemade crafts or printables put into thrifted frames add a nice touch to your décor and keep your cost low. This can include decorating for a specific gathering or even the holidays. I made my first Christmas ornaments because we didn’t have any money to purchase new ones. Thirty years later they are still my favorite!
Keep it simple with a theme!
This takes the pressure off you as a hostess and adds some pizzazz to your gathering. Some fun themes are: Muffin Monday, Tea with a Friend (using a fancy tea cup feels extra special), Brunch, Soup/Salad, Pizza Night, Dessert Only, Potluck Style, or a Progressive Party where each guest hosts a different portion of the night from drinks, appetizers, main dish and dessert. The ideas are endless and so is the fun!
As young women are starting out on their own, how can they begin their collection of hostess supplies and holiday decorations?
It’s never too early to start your collection. If you find something you love and it’s in your budget, buy it, then get creative on how to store it. If you want to host tea parties, purchase a tub for under your bed and stash it away. It’s easy to pull out and handy to use, even in a dorm room. The following are ways I’ve grown my collection:
Thrift stores, secondhand stores and garage sales
You never know what treasures you’ll find, but usually the prices are low.
Estate sales
These are my favorite as they are good quality, cheap prices and lots of items in one spot.
Family heirlooms
Old china and linens are so beautiful and good quality that lasts. Don’t forget the priceless sentimental value they hold.
Gifts
Add your desires to a birthday, Christmas or graduation wish list. Begin with classic pieces that won’t go out of style.
Purchase items on sale/clearance, after holidays.
Two items I’ve found most helpful to begin hosting are a pitcher and a serving dish. These allow everyone to help themselves to food and drinks so you can focus on mingling with your guests.
What are your best hostessing tips?
Here are my top 10 tips for hosting!
Learn from those around you. Family, friends, neighbors, friends’ moms, and especially the church ladies, they know how to host events of all sizes!
Ask for help! Have a co-hostess. They can help with set up, clean up, preparing food, or anything else you need. The old adage “Many hands make light work” rings true!
Leave small tasks for early guests. It’s inevitable someone will arrive early; they will feel useful if you have something for them to do.
Give yourself cushion on your timeline. Preparations generally take 25% more time than you originally plan so allot yourself an hour and 15 minutes instead of an hour. Personally, I’ve realized I need double, and I still could use extra time!
Engage the five senses to make your space cozy!
Sights. Soft lighting gives a warm feel and creates ambiance. Turn off the overhead lights and instead use lamps, tea lights, or candles (real or flameless). A simple floral centerpiece adds a nice touch. Many stores like Aldi, Walmart, and Kroger offer simple bouquets for less than $5. Even better, pick wildflowers from legal places (haha) like the side of the road or fields. Also, remember no space needs to be perfect, but a relatively tidy space will make your guests feel more comfortable.
Smells. A simmer pot on the stove can be as simple as a cut up apple and some cinnamon. You can also use a diffuser with oils, mild room spray, candles, or something yummy baking in the oven.
Sound. If appropriate for the occasion play soft music in background.
Taste. Have some go-to dishes that are quick and easy to make. I also choose recipes with ingredients I can keep on hand for last minute gatherings.
No new dish for guests. Try out new recipes first as to avoid a failed dish.
Do as much ahead as possible. Prepare as much a day or two ahead as to save time and stress on the day of the gathering.
Use the vintage pieces and fancy china, even if they are family heirlooms. They cannot be enjoyed if they are stashed away in a cabinet. Plus they create great conversation and a beautiful table setting!
Wear an apron. Get yourself all dressed and ready first and then put on an apron as you’re cooking and cleaning. This allows you to be in around as your guests arrive, while still keeping your outfit clean. Plus, it’s fun to wear a cute apron; it feels nostalgic to me!
Most importantly, be present! Enjoy time with your guests because you’re the real reason they came to your gathering!
Listen to Bethany’s full talk here!
Bethany Widmer
My husband Scott and I have been married for 29 years. We have raised 3 daughters, all having either graduated from or are attending Hillsdale College. Although I have 2 teaching degrees (hearing impaired and elementary education) and have taught on and off in a school setting, I am always using my teaching skills, whether at home while raising our girls, through church or ministry work, life coaching or through speaking and writing. My passion is family unity so I love working with women or couples to share God’s Word and help them grow in their faith and relationships with those around them.
