Contentment in the Discontent: Examining Expectations
BY: JOLENE MACALUSO
All my life, since my days of toddling behind a pink plastic baby stroller, I’ve desired family, fulfillment, purpose, belonging. I’ve dreamt of independence and freedom, of success and celebration—all universal human desires.
Now, as a new graduate and an even newer newlywed, God daily blesses me beyond earthly measure with those exact things: with a home, a strong community, my health, a fantastic job, and the best husband imaginable. I “have” everything I could ever want...so why do I wrestle with dissatisfaction?
Perhaps the real problem boils down to identifying and addressing idols in our lives, though that’s a can of worms for an ocean’s worth of fishing (bad dad joke). Ultimately, when we believe the source of such gifts comes from anything or anyone other than God, we will find ourselves frustrated and hurting. But it’s one thing for me to give the easy Sunday-school answer that ‘my life is hidden in Christ’ (Colossians 3:3) and it’s quite another for me to feel, believe, and live it.
As God daily draws us further into sanctification (Philippians 1:6) and slowly redirects the source of our confidence and trust to Himself, we naturally grow more and more into His image. This growth is multi-faceted, but parts of it can look like growing in wisdom for expectations and choosing to practice contentment cultivated from gratitude.
How God might manifest each desire of our heart in His perfect plan and timing will look different than you expect — trust me. Some unexpectedly met expectations of mine: Hillsdale College, missions in Jordan, and my husband Nick. Let me explain. In the audacity of my youth, I foolishly decided to try and ‘bargain’ with God. I promised to follow Him always—a presumptuous promise, as if God somehow needed me, and one I certainly could not keep—in exchange for my terms: no Hillsdale College, no overseas missions, and no military. Over the course of the next four years of my life, God took each of those ridiculous demands and molded my heart around them. One by one, they became my own desires, my treasures. In each of these un-expectations, God revealed His greater purpose and plan for me, and He fulfilled the desires of my heart.
The bottom-line? God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9). Who else could perfectly plan for the redemption of His own by coming gently in the night as a virgin’s seemingly bastard child? Talk about unexpected!
We may think we know what we desire, but God truly knows, and, better still, He knows what we need. Sometimes, His “blessings come through raindrops, and His healing comes through tears.” If we lack wisdom in our expectations, all we need do is ask for it (James 1:5). We can ask God to give us heaven’s eyes to see His beautiful purpose in both our met and unmet expectations—and in the unexpected. He sees to our every need (Philippians 4:19) and graciously gives us all things (Romans 8:32). My advice? Hold expectations loosely and hold fast to Christ.
847 miles away from life at Hillsdale, during the spring break of my freshman year, I saw a scribbled note pinned up on a dorm bulletin board at Gordon College. It echoed my best friend Julia’s constant refrain: comparison is the thief of joy. Whether you are comparing your life to your imagined expectations or to the lives (or social media accounts) of those around you, comparison is a hard ground for gratitude to blossom.
When we are not grateful, we are naturally discontent in our circumstances and frustrated in our expectations. But God tells us to “be joyful always; pray continually; and give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). So how can we do God’s will? Comparison is not the answer. Instead, I recommend a few “Julia Pletan originals” for increasing gratitude:
1.When you feel discouraged, disappointed, or dissatisfied, stop. Breathe. And think of five things for which you are grateful.
2.Blare some music (personally, I love the group I Am They) and go for a drive if you can. Maybe take a friend along. If you don’t have a car, a dorm room dance party is a fantastic alternative.
3.If you’re finding it hard to be grateful, make time and space for something you love, and you’ll find natural gratitude flow from this.
Even in seasons plagued by discontentment, we can choose to be grateful because there is always something to be grateful for. In our chosen and practiced gratitude, we can find contentment. Blessings abound—we simply need to slow down and open our eyes to them. I want to leave you with Psalm 37:4 as a parting prayer and promise: “Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Trust your Heavenly Father with your heart, your expectations, and let Him be your source of joy. If you do, gratitude, wisdom, and contentment will abound.